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Feeling kind of awful...

I look around everywhere and see people who are still friends with people who used to be my friends too. I hate what I did. I hate that I hid myself from freshman year until now. I hate that I loved her and lost her and she doesn't even want to talk to me on the internet never mind face-to-face. I hate watching my friends have conversations that I can't be apart of just because I pulled away from one of them despite loving them. It's happening the most in two places but I'm sure it's everywhere. I ruined everything here and I can only hope I don't do the same thing in college. I want myself to let friendships last for more than a year. I'm tired of pulling away.

If I still talk to you, I love you.
If I don't, I still love you, but I'm just scared.